genesis 1:14-18

"Then God said: "Let there be lights in the dome of the sky, to separate day from night. Let them mark the fixed times, the days and the years, and serve as luminaries in the dome of the sky, to shed light upon the earth." And so it happened: God made the two great lights, the greater one to govern the day, and the lesser one to govern the night; and he made the stars. God set them in the dome of the sky, to shed light upon the earth, to govern the day and the night, and to separate the light from the darkness." Genesis 1:14-18

luminary - noun. 

1. a person who inspires or influences others

2. an artificial light

It's the last week of camp!! Where did the time go?

I have been here for 12 weeks now - and I am convinced that the months of June and July didn't happen. 

This summer has been one of the hardest and one of the most fruitful times of my life. I have grown in countless ways by the grace of God and have seen His glory magnified in the souls of so many people that I have encountered. 

Each week we see 300 people come through camp - teens, youth ministers, core team members, nurses, a host, priests, religious sisters, and musicians. And each encounter has shown me more and more about the Heart of Christ. 

Friday night is the highlight of every week of camp. Friday night is my craziest night logistically, and I run and run and run around making sure that everything is set up. My schedule looks a little something like this:

7:00 pm - session starts. Talk begins in the main room. Have prayer team member meat a priest on the deck to bring the Blessed Sacrament from the chapel tabernacle to the portable tabernacle in the hidden back of the main room.

7:00 pm - The rest of prayer team and I set up luminaries around the lake. 200 mason jars with tea candles in them set out to line the lake in a path for Eucharistic procession.

7:45ish pm - The teens are sent out of main room to journal around camp grounds. We go inside the main room to set up Eucharistic adoration. We take out altar and set up room, making sure cope and humeral veil are ready. Light charcoal for adoration.

8:10ish pm - Bell rings. Teens are sent back into the main room for Eucharistic adoration. Send in priest and thurifer during the first song of praise and worship. 

8:10ish pm - The prayer team and I go to light luminaries around the lake. We set up altar at the end of the procession with cloth and corporal and candles.

8:40 pm - Prayer team and I go in to the main room to pray in adoration.

8:55 pm - light candles for prayer team to lead the procession.

9:00 pm - Eucharistic procession around the lake - 4 candle bearers, 1 thurifer and someone to walk with him, priest + Jesus. TEENS LITERALLY FOLLOW JESUS AROUND THE LAKE. AHHHH

9:20ish pm - Benediction on the field outside the chapel. Make sure benediction prayers and light are set up for priest to see. clean up after.

It's a crazy night and I run around and make sure everything is set up... and right as the teens begin the procession I am able to breathe and the peace is always so tangible. 

One of the greatest gifts of the day is walking into the empty main room once the teens leave to blow out the candles and take down the altar. The smell of incense still lingers in the room and the soul-moving praise and worship has turned to silence. The stillness rings of the Holy Spirit. 

And I walk outside and the teens are still singing the Doxology at the top of their lungs as they follow Jesus around the lake. Small candles light their way and they realize that they too are called to be luminaries to their families and communities as they go back home the next day. 

They are called to be luminaries. 

The little candles that take so long to put out and a lot of work and logistics to make happen are what light the path to Jesus.

The path of following Jesus is the path of the cross. It is the path of light. The path that prefers the light to the darkness and realizes that the wages of sin is death (Romans 6:23). Every Friday I watch the teens giving their lives to Christ and encountering Him in a new way and seeing His love for them makes me catch my breath and I see a glimpse of Heaven. They are literally pursuing the path of light.

The luminaries that God placed in the sky at the dawn of time preceded the luminaries that God makes of each one of the teens that pass through a week of camp. The lights He meant to separate the darkness from the light were good - and then He made human beings in His image and likeness - and we are VERY GOOD. And WE are meant to prefer the light to the darkness and be beacons of light, separating the darkness from the light and showing the path to Christ in our lives. 

The God that made the stars made us in His likeness to be luminaries to the world. To be lights of His great mercy and love and to be a sign of His promises. He was not content with the beauty of the stars - He wanted the living breathing beauty of man to be even better lights than those He had already made. 

Tomorrow is my last day setting out luminaries for the procession. The way of the cross, the way of the luminaries, the way of the light - this is why I'm here. This is what kept me going. Christ used this night to transfigure my heart to see a glimpse of His great love for me and remind me of the greater mission. 

Lord, let my heart burn only for You.

Live with Joy.

photos by Madi Meyers-Cook Photography and Life Teen International.

hosea 2:16

The King of Love, my Shepherd is. 

Well, I've been at camp for 2 weeks and 2 days (WHAT) and it has been pretty grand, y'all. He knows my heart and doesn't disappoint. I'm doing things I love with people I love at a place I love and it doesn't get much better than that. 

So let's have some share time - here's what has been going on in my heart lately.

Wild and free.

These are the words the Lord has been calling me to grow in these past few weeks of work week and training week. All we've been doing is preparing for camp. And the Lord has used this time to prepare my heart for how the posture of my heart needs to be this summer. Let's break it down.

Wild. Hmm. My first thought with this is unrestrained. I think toddler running around without enough sleep and wreaking havoc in the living room. BUT I believe that God is trying to get at something a little different. I think He's going for something beyond belief - filled with wonder. Like a wild day at an amusement park - full of joy and awe and excitement that comes from a great experience. Unrestrained joy. 

Free. This one is a bit more interesting. To be free, I must know that I am protected and that I am safe. I must recognize the importance of the boundaries in order to exercise fully the joy that is desired. To be free is to know my identity without hindrance and to pursue love without restraint. Freedom is only found in knowing who I am. I cannot find freedom in pretending to be someone that I am not because then I would be inhibiting myself from true authenticity. Giving fully to God and fully to authenticity is living in full freedom. 

Okay. So wild and free. How do they work together.

1. The Holy Spirit resides in the wild and free. I can only be docile to the Holy Spirit and His promptings if I know my heart and my true identity that I am His. I can only let Him work in my life if I recognize the freedom He is inviting me to and how He desires me to give fully and freely of myself for His kingdom.

2. To be wild and free requires bold courage. I cannot be fearful and free at the same time. If I am experiencing fear, then I am believing the lie that I am not safe in Him. To be courageous and act according to His will no matter the circumstance - inconvenient or convenient -  THAT is what it means to be wild and free.

3. Dogs are pretty dang wild and free. REALLY THOUGH. When I was praying about this one day I saw one of my favorite pups on camp, Bandit, running across the field with his other dog friend Virginia. They were so wild and free!! Why? Because they were open to receiving love without exception. They ran up to anyone on camp knowing they are safe and will be cared for. They run across the field in majestic fashion --- living life wild and free. They know their boundaries. They know they are loved. And they just receive.

Okay, I know the dog analogy can only go so far. BUT. There is so much to learn there.

God is calling me to live wild and free. Do I know that I am His? Do I know I am safe and loved and cared for in His plan for me? Do I know that He will provide and I just need to be docile to His Spirit and open to His promptings? Or do I let fear creep in and allow myself to fall into forgetting who I am and Who loves me with an unending and fierce and gentle and ever-present love?

So, how has camp been these last few weeks? Challenging. Joyful. Hopeful. Beautiful.

But most of all - WILD AND FREE. 

Now bring on the campers next week!!

Praise You, King Jesus. Help me to be wild and free in knowing Your love like the sheep knows her Shepherd.

live with Joy.

--all photos courtesy of Madi Meyers-Cook Photography. She's pretty dang cool. 

1 timothy 1:12

"I am grateful to Him who has strengthened me, Christ Jesus our Lord, because He considered me trustworthy in appointing me to the ministry."

1 Timothy 1:12

Today I finished my junior year of college. I turned in my last paper and, with a celebratory nutella smoothie in hand, rejoiced in the summer sun. 

The stark white walls of my dorm room are picture-less.

My clothes and things are packed into duffel bags and ready to be stored away. 

I am one week from a flight to Atlanta to serve as a missionary for three months.

Moving from one mission field to the next.

I know that I haven't done the best job of updating this blog in that past school year ( I found many drafts I never posted ha)  - BUT FEAR NOT - I will be updating this blog during the summer as a way for y'all to be up to date on the great and holy experiences of summer camp and the glory of what's happening there. 

When I started this blog in a response to remaining fearless after my first experience of summer camp, I had no idea that I would be going back 3 summers in a row. LOL ya no. But God knows me and knows my heart and I am thrilled and humbled to be out tending the vineyard again at summer camp. 

One week from today I will be in GA and praying and dancing and jumping around with great and holy people and hammocking on the weekend and meeting hundreds of new friends and I'll probably lose my voice 4 weeks from now and ironing lots of altar linens and running around in chacos (or barefoot) and itching away at hundreds of mosquito bites. I'm pumped. If a run-on sentence doesn't make you feel excited for me, I don't know what will. 

So, three summers later I am still trying to remain fearless, still trying to remain in Him and remain in His love (John 15:9). I welcome you to join me on my mission this summer by praying for me and by checking out my donation page here.  I am still fundraising and have about $150 to raise to hit my goal.

I am ready to head back to early mornings and late nights, community holy hours, breakfast corndogs, teens running to reconciliation and excited about the Mass, loving on God's awesome teens and meeting wonderful and dedicated youth ministers and core members, great friends and encouragement and community and just some great love. yeeeeee!

I cannot wait to see what He has planned this summer. I have a feeling its gonna be a great one.

He is good, y'all. Praise. 

Live with Joy.

john 19:28

Life after camp.

 

After coming back from Hidden Lake, I've been reflecting a lot on how to keep my heart up and how to keep living missionary.

 

It's a well known saying among summer missionaries: "Camp ruins lives." Oh it so does. Not in a horrible way, but in a way that wakes you up and makes you realize that you're changed and can't go back to living the way you did before camp. Camp ruins lives. It shakes you and makes you realize that the important things in life are not found in material possessions or earthly things but are the teens you encounter and their souls and the friends that drag you along with them to Heaven. Camp ruins lives because it doesn't let you go back unchanged. God uses those six weeks to wreck you in the best way possible. And here I am, a month after leaving camp and I'm still reflecting and I'm still affected and I'm still longing to be there and still constantly trying to trust in God's plan that my mission has moved  to somewhere new.

 

But camp is a lightning-fast six weeks. And then you leave. It's only six weeks of the whole year. Six weeks of your whole life. And it's so transformative.

 

So how does one continue on after camp? When there is no longer a group of people praying along side you and no more teens to directly minister to in a centered environment and nobody getting you up in the morning to tell you to go to Mass and nobody is there with you to pray the Liturgy of the Hours and nobody wants to jump into a pit of mud with you or eat a whole pack of oreos with you because its a feast day. What happens then?

 

In the last two summers that I've been at camp, I have learned how dependent I am on the Eucharist. I crave the Eucharist. I have learned what a great gift the Mass is and wow, to be able to go every day... what a gift! Especially at Hidden Lake - walking up that hill every morning was only worth it because of what was at the top. Coffee... and most importantly, Jesus. To walk up that huge hill every morning was one of the greatest gifts of the summer, because it led to a place where I could sit in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament for a whole hour and then pray in community and then celebrate Mass together. Oh how dependent I am on the Eucharist!

 

The first few days we were at Hidden Lake, the Eucharist was not reposed in the tabernacle yet and there wasn't a priest there to say Mass yet. And I ached for the Sacrament. I realized what a privilege it is to attend Mass every day. What a privilege it is to go to a university that offers daily Mass. And here I was at camp, realizing my dependence on my Savior. It was just the wake up call I needed. Because I realized that I simply cannot do it without Him. Camp doesn't happen without Him. It's not me at all.

 

A few weeks ago, right after camp, one of my missionary brothers jokingly asked the group if there was any medication to get over the post-camp withdrawals (Trust me, they do exist). And almost immediately, two people responded with the same answer.

 

Eucharist.

 

God breaks our lives through camp only to bring us closer to His Sacred Heart and remind us how dependent we are on Him. That's really the base of it all. It's so simple, and sometimes we don't even recognize the small changes He makes in our hearts throughout those six weeks. Or, on the other hand, the changes are so drastic and quick that we are thrown into a whirlwind of His grace. He doesn't force it - He gives the choice and He waits patiently and He lets us see how little we are and how weak we are and how the little sheep that we are need His guidance and His gentle care. God ruined me at camp the last two years because He wants me to rely fully on Him. That's the only way to get through camp - and that's the only way to keep on living after camp.

 

And just as much as I am desperate for Him and desperate to receive Him, He thirsts for us! He thirsts for our souls to turn fully to Him and my desire for Him is only just a glimpse of His desire for each of us!

 

Praise You, Jesus.

 

After last summer at Covecrest, honestly, I became so relaxed. I prayed Liturgy of the Hours sometimes but never in routine. I stopped making regular Holy Hours. And I immediately found when I got back to camp this year at Hidden Lake how complacent I had become in my faith and it scared me how easy it is to forget the glory that happens at camp and fall out of a solid prayer routine.

 

So even though my rhythm of prayer is no longer set on a schedule for me and my shirt doesn't say summer missionary on the back, I can continue to live after camp by clinging to Christ in the Eucharist. I can continue to live my life after camp by growing in relationship with my Mother, Mary. I can continue to live my life after camp by praying for my teens and keeping in contact with my missionary family.

 

Camp ruined my life, and I have never been more full of Joy.  

 

Live with Joy

1 corinthians 14:33

I'm still processing. I'm still trying to find the words to describe this summer that changed my life again.

By day 2 of serving as a Summer Missionary for the second time with Life Teen, I was already being wrecked. How was I going to make it through six weeks?! My life was turned upside down once again as I invited God in to my summer and spent so much time in prayer and realized that my first mistake was that I was not expecting to be ruined so greatly again. I figured that I had already been a Summer Missionary, I had already experienced everything that was going to happen in my life this summer... boy, was I wrong. God moved in a fierce an bold way. And as my girl Audrey Assad says so well, "Love is moving among us." True that.

On May 18th I got on a plane and flew to Atlanta, Georgia to meet in the atrium with a bunch of college students who are on fire for the Lord. And at that point its already my Heaven. I jumped in a van and we drove about two hours north to Dahlonega, where I first set foot on one of the new homes of my heart - Life Teen Hidden Lake. Oh, the glory.

In the past six weeks I learned so much about myself, others, and God. I learned how to love better and how to be a better disciple. I learned what true love looks like and how God uses people in my life to draw me closer to Himself in very tangible ways.

So I would love to share a glimpse of my summer with you by listing things that I love.

I will start first with the people. I love the people. So much. I didn't think my heart was capable of loving this much - thank you, Jesus. I was blessed to grow in relationship this summer with 22 other Summer Staff Missionaries as well as with a group of men and women on Service Crew (mostly second year Summer Missionaries) as well as full-time Life Teen Missionaries. Each morning the girls would wake and pray together to begin the day - something I looked forward to every day. In the other cabin the men would be doing the same thing. I loved having my alarm go off so I could wake the rest of the girls so that we could pray and offer the work of our hands for the day to the Lord. What a blessing it was to get up each morning and serve at camp!

From there I was able to pray in front of the Blessed Sacrament in All Saints Chapel for a whole hour, and then pray Morning Prayer from the Liturgy of the Hours. Page 707 became a staple for my life, along with the liturgical classic, number 70, Go Tell It On The Mountain. I loved this time of prayer because it gave me an opportunity to be in community with the rest of the missionaries as well as a time to reflect on my time at camp and listen wholeheartedly to the Lord.

I loved the time spent in prayer. The whole summer, the theme that the Lord really placed on my heart was that of overcoming confusion with peace. His peace. And oh, did He provide. I didn't come across the verse 1 Corinthians 14:33 until the last Holy Hour of camp, where my dearest sister handed me a small slip of paper that she had written it on - and it all hit me. I found so much peace this summer in the plans the Lord has for me, in relying fully on Him, and on trusting in His promises. I don't need to know everything or have it all figured out - the Lord will provide. I can say that with full confidence. 

I loved going to Mass so accessibly every day. The first week of camp, we did not have a priest for a few days, and we all rejoiced when one came to say Mass for us. Oh the glory of witnessing Heaven crashing into Earth! I will never tire of going to Mass! What a gift! And as I served over the weeks at camp I realized how dependent I am on the Eucharist to sustain me through the day. My heart yearns for Mass.

I love Confession. I went every week before the campers would arrive. One week I went to Reconciliation in the woods. One week I went to Reconciliation while tubing down the Chatahoochee River. (#bestcampever). This summer I became dependent on the graces from Reconciliation to be able to minister as a pure vessel of God's love to His middle schoolers in the best way that I could. I had to give of my whole self, and that could only be possible if I emptied myself and let the Lord take over fully - which meant giving Him my sins in sincere repentance. Jesus is so good to us! Oh, the grace!

I love praise and worship. I love singing at the top of my lungs in praise of the Lord, especially with 200 middle schoolers. Praise and worship is something I miss so much when I am not at camp... we do not have any opportunities for it at school or at my home parish, so I feel so blessed to be so fed at camp with a form of prayer that I love so much. 

I love family dinner. Family dinner happens twice a week at camp where the parish sits together around a table and the Summer Missionary that is paired with them serves them and provides them with anything they need. The idea behind it is that a lot of the teens' families at home no longer have the time to sit around a table and talk, for everyone is so busy with sports, work, etc. Family dinner provides the opportunity for the teens to create a family environment with their youth group. What a blessing. I love serving at family dinner and nurturing the group dynamic in a way of service and love. 

I loved the stars. Walking back to the cabin was a good 15 minute trek in the dark, and the stars were unbelievable. Praise You, Jesus. So many times we would stop and lay down in the middle of the street at the risk of being run over by bikes or vehicles (as it was so dark) in order to just attempt to grasp the beauty of the universe and the fireflies flew about and the crickets chirped and it was a glimpse of Heaven.

I loved the teens. Oh, the teens. I mean youths. They were middle schoolers.

Before this summer I had never worked with EDGE ever in my life. I had never ministered to middle schoolers. Frankly, I was terrified. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. But, of course, God provides. I found that I loved it. I loved working with the middle schoolers. It was so good for my heart to be stretched in this way and to realize that in order to know that I am called to be working with high schoolers, I needed to break down my walls a bit and work with the middle schoolers. As much as I loved it, I know that I am not called to work in EDGE for the rest of my life. 

But, what I did love about it was that the youth were SO OPEN. They were so open to consciously allowing themselves to experience Jesus for the first time in so many of their lives. One of my teens went to Reconciliation for the first time in six years. One of my teens experienced adoration for the first time while I knelt next to her and she felt the presence of Jesus in a new and tangible way. What a blessing to see the Lord working in such young hearts! The Church is in the young people - watch how they are so eager to learn and so open to grace! What a blessing! 

I loved seeing a middle schooler do the trust fall at her first summer at camp... the same girl who looked me right in the eye and told me she wouldn't do it. I loved watching a bunch of 5 foot girls lift each other over a 12 foot wall and I felt more triumphant and victorious than I have ever felt in my entire life. What a summer. Who am I to see the blessings of the Lord in such abundance? 

I love the exhaustion, and the solidarity that comes with it. I embrace the spiritual attack. I embrace the shared life. I love the Joys of community. 

I loved hammocking every Sunday by the lake while reading Mulieris Dignitatem or Redemptoris Missio or sharing a hammock and laughing hysterically while creating beautiful memories that I will hold on to forever. What Joy and grace there is in sharing a hammock with someone you love!

I loved everything about this summer. The Lord exceeded my every expectation. I loved my missionary family, who called me higher in holiness every day and showed me the true love of the Father. I loved the chaperones who were so open to loving their teens and participating in the activities. I loved the Joy of earning my pillow each night knowing that yes, I'm a sinner and I am not perfect, but I tried to live for the Kingdom that day. The glory stories never end. The mission runs on. And even though I am no longer there, I know that the mission continues. Even though I cannot see the river or hear it rushing, I know that it still runs strong.

And so my mission base has changed - I am back home, but the same love flows on. As much as I miss Hidden Lake and the people that are still there and the people that have also returned home, I know that this is just the beginning. The Lord has such big things in mind for His beloved children. And THAT is crazy to think about. It's not the end. Love is moving. This summer showed me the incredible power of God and the fierce love that He has for us, and how much peace comes from letting Him be the center of my life. I am forever changed and I cannot wait to see where He will lead me next.

Our Lady of Victory, pray for us.

Saints Peter and Paul, pray for us. 

live with Joy.

isaiah 55:12

Welp, I cannot believe that I have finished my second year of college. I'm halfway there. And oh, how the Lord has blessed this beautiful year full of glorious opportunities!

And now summer is here and the mustard plants are blooming yellow bright and the quails are running quick through the backyard and the sun shines burning hot down in the California beauty. I love being back in my element, back in the rough and hot terrain. But being home tends to throw me off. 

Something I heard that I think is real true is that the soul moves a lot more slowly than the body. The body will change locations but the soul sort of saunters along and takes its time to stroll and catch up with the flesh. 

So when I move across the country when school ends it takes a little while for my soul to get settled and set back into a prayer routine. And as much as I wish I was spiritually mature enough that I could pray the same way in every place at every time, I am definitely not there yet.

The 5:30 pm Mass that was my routine at school becomes an early morning sacrifice of sleep, and community becomes nonexistent.

But the mission remains the same. And slowly but surely my soul catches up to my body and the routine becomes apparent again and prayer can thrive. Until things change up again.

On Sunday I will be moving to Georgia for six weeks (again) to serve as a Summer Missionary with Life Teen. Wow. How am I blessed enough to do this.

Last summer I served as a Summer Missionary and traveled down south to the mountains of Georgia and experienced Christ in a way that I could never capture through words but its the sort of soul stuff that can only be felt. 

And this summer I have the glorious opportunity to go back to Georgia and lead youth closer to Christ and live in community with a bunch of the greatest people you'll ever meet. Praise be to Jesus. I love everything about it. I eat, sleep, and breathe Summer Missions and I cannot wait to go back and I am almost always out of breath in awe that God has called me back to do something that I love so very much. 

But why? What happened last summer that changed me? Was it something in that "lake" (pond) water that transformed something in my heart? Or surely it was the baked ziti or the scones on Friday mornings… Why is there a longing in my soul for a place that I had never been before last summer and that really is in the Middle of Nowhere,  Georgia. And now that even though I won't be at the same place as last summer, why does Hidden Lake already hold such a special place in my heart? 

And I truly do know the answer, because being a Summer Missionary shook me at my shoulders and screamed life into every fiber of my being. It was a whisper into my soul letting me know that one can glimpse Heaven in community and in praise + worship and in the Mass and in the down-pouring rain and the Chaco tan lines. It was Jesus who showed me who I really could be and the person that I wanted to be was found. It was Jesus who revealed Himself through my friends and fellow brother and sister missionaries and teens and youth ministers and core members and also quite literally in the Eucharist. And Jesus showed Himself in the white water rapids and the mud pit and the smile of a teen in Adoration because Jesus was there and real and true and present.

And during that summer I realized I didn't need to do anything but just soak in the grace. 

And that was really it. Just knowing that God is. And that Truth was resounding and the Joy was indescribable. 

And I get to go back. Oh, the Joy!

So on Sunday I will get on a now familiar plane to go to a now familiar airport and meet in that all too familiar atrium to begin the same mission in a new place. God has called all the familiarity into a bundle to be thrown out into the unknown. God knew that I had gotten too comfortable and that He need to call me out to something new this summer. And that will be me serving at a new camp with middle schoolers running around crazy and mercy and grace overflowing. 

I could tell you over and over that I love the mission of Life Teen and that I love camp and that I love God's teens with all my heart but I could never fully capture the sort of soul speak that is told in the stories of my summer… but I will try. God is going to do big things.

And I invite you into mission with me as my partner, as my personal prayer warrior, to witness this inspired summer through my blog, email, and handwritten letters. 

I am so awestruck that God has called me back still, and I cannot wait to fulfill all things according to His will this summer at camp. Please pray for me and let me know how I can pray for you - this is my loving request. I am so excited to serve as captain this summer and to live out the always present mission in a new and beautiful way. 

So off to camp I go - Lord, use me! I surrender all!

Jesus, I trust in You!

Live with Joy.

exodus 3:14

God's doing crazy things these days… and I'm perfectly okay with that.

Holy Week is my favorite week of the whole year. And rightly so - it's the week we Catholics revere as the holiest week of all weeks - the week that begins with us praising Jesus as he enters into Jerusalem and ends with our crucifixion of Him and His all too wonderful and glorious Resurrection. 

This Lent has been a time of remembering to surrender. Remembering that this life is about serving humbly and not clinging to my plans or my selfish desires. This Lent has been a time of remembering that I am the one that put Jesus up on that cross and that constantly wavering between "Jesus, I trust in you" and "crucify Him!" is no way to live. This faith is all or nothing - and God used this Lent to remind me that I can trust Him and that I need to surrender. 

And as I journey through this last few days of Lent and enter into the holiest and most sacred days of the year, I am in such awe of how God has exceeded all of my expectations this Lent and used it to show me so many things about myself and who He wants me to be.

The last few weeks have been constant ministry. With the praise and worship concert, and going on three retreats in the last month, God is really stretching my heart and my ability to say "yes" to Him. My Lent was not a time of deep reflection and contemplation, but active ministry and service, which challenged me to integrate prayer into my constantly changing routine.

God used this Lent to remind me how much I love youth ministry. After not leading a retreat since the summer, and not giving a talk in over a year, I was pretty rusty. In my struggle to get back into the rhythm of letting God do what He will in the lives of the retreatants, I was reminded that I find so much Joy in ministry settings. I used this retreat to transition from the "reading off a paper" talk to a "let the Spirit move you" kind of talk. So I had a talk prepared, but I was fully open to letting God change whatever He wanted. I went up and started to talk about Faith + Prayer (So vague, right?) and my talk took a very different route than I initially intended. All of a sudden, the stories were coming out of my mouth and I was going totally off what I had written down. And I knew God was moving. 

After my talk, one girl came up to me and wanted to talk concerning her own faith and how God was moving in her own life in relation to what I had shared. And I knew in my heart that I shared what I did because of this one girl. God used me as a vessel to bring reassurance and hope to this one girl who needed to hear whatever God used me to talk about that day.

In this moment I remembered that this whole ministry thing is not about me. It's about God using me to show Himself. This is about souls. It's about reaching out to souls and knowing that if even one person is touched than that is more than enough. And my fire for ministry was sparked bright and strong again. 

This Lent was also used as a way for God to reassure me that I can trust Him. I had the wonderful opportunity to go on a retreat at my favorite place and be filled by some wonderful women on retreat. And God used the weekend to exceed every expectation and prayer that I had and show His great and wonderful will in my life. 

And as I sat among so many women who have had such great influence in my own life - as friends and sisters - I was renewed in my Joy for Christ. I was renewed in my sense of awe and knew that there was nothing as beautiful as the Glory of God and the way He breaks through into my brokenness and reminds me that I am whole. And I was able to sit in a rocking chair and share amazing conversation with women who know the struggle but also know the Love. And I was able to get up extra early to go to the chapel, knowing that adoration would be happening, even if it wasn't on the schedule. And I could sit in my favorite chapel and be with my Lord and have a moment of soul sharing. And the Earth shook that weekend and I knew that it was essential to keep going and to keep loving this Lent, and when I got home God rocked my world and reminded me that He's got this. Taking time to intimately and intentionally be with God changes things. It changes hearts, it changes minds, it changes everything. 

And as Holy Week takes over in my life I know that the Lord is continually calling me to go deeper. That He is with me and that He wants me to walk to Calvary with Him as He walks with me in my struggles. The Lord has shown His great power to me this Lent and that He is always calling me out upon the waters to do things that may be outside of my comfort zone but are still a great and beautiful endeavors for the glory of God. I was reminded that God is and God is with me and that God fights for me and knows my deepest Joy more than I do. The Advocate comes. And He is there to remind you that He is strong and He will win - no matter what. And He will exceed your every expectation.

live with Joy.