john 19:28

Life after camp.

 

After coming back from Hidden Lake, I've been reflecting a lot on how to keep my heart up and how to keep living missionary.

 

It's a well known saying among summer missionaries: "Camp ruins lives." Oh it so does. Not in a horrible way, but in a way that wakes you up and makes you realize that you're changed and can't go back to living the way you did before camp. Camp ruins lives. It shakes you and makes you realize that the important things in life are not found in material possessions or earthly things but are the teens you encounter and their souls and the friends that drag you along with them to Heaven. Camp ruins lives because it doesn't let you go back unchanged. God uses those six weeks to wreck you in the best way possible. And here I am, a month after leaving camp and I'm still reflecting and I'm still affected and I'm still longing to be there and still constantly trying to trust in God's plan that my mission has moved  to somewhere new.

 

But camp is a lightning-fast six weeks. And then you leave. It's only six weeks of the whole year. Six weeks of your whole life. And it's so transformative.

 

So how does one continue on after camp? When there is no longer a group of people praying along side you and no more teens to directly minister to in a centered environment and nobody getting you up in the morning to tell you to go to Mass and nobody is there with you to pray the Liturgy of the Hours and nobody wants to jump into a pit of mud with you or eat a whole pack of oreos with you because its a feast day. What happens then?

 

In the last two summers that I've been at camp, I have learned how dependent I am on the Eucharist. I crave the Eucharist. I have learned what a great gift the Mass is and wow, to be able to go every day... what a gift! Especially at Hidden Lake - walking up that hill every morning was only worth it because of what was at the top. Coffee... and most importantly, Jesus. To walk up that huge hill every morning was one of the greatest gifts of the summer, because it led to a place where I could sit in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament for a whole hour and then pray in community and then celebrate Mass together. Oh how dependent I am on the Eucharist!

 

The first few days we were at Hidden Lake, the Eucharist was not reposed in the tabernacle yet and there wasn't a priest there to say Mass yet. And I ached for the Sacrament. I realized what a privilege it is to attend Mass every day. What a privilege it is to go to a university that offers daily Mass. And here I was at camp, realizing my dependence on my Savior. It was just the wake up call I needed. Because I realized that I simply cannot do it without Him. Camp doesn't happen without Him. It's not me at all.

 

A few weeks ago, right after camp, one of my missionary brothers jokingly asked the group if there was any medication to get over the post-camp withdrawals (Trust me, they do exist). And almost immediately, two people responded with the same answer.

 

Eucharist.

 

God breaks our lives through camp only to bring us closer to His Sacred Heart and remind us how dependent we are on Him. That's really the base of it all. It's so simple, and sometimes we don't even recognize the small changes He makes in our hearts throughout those six weeks. Or, on the other hand, the changes are so drastic and quick that we are thrown into a whirlwind of His grace. He doesn't force it - He gives the choice and He waits patiently and He lets us see how little we are and how weak we are and how the little sheep that we are need His guidance and His gentle care. God ruined me at camp the last two years because He wants me to rely fully on Him. That's the only way to get through camp - and that's the only way to keep on living after camp.

 

And just as much as I am desperate for Him and desperate to receive Him, He thirsts for us! He thirsts for our souls to turn fully to Him and my desire for Him is only just a glimpse of His desire for each of us!

 

Praise You, Jesus.

 

After last summer at Covecrest, honestly, I became so relaxed. I prayed Liturgy of the Hours sometimes but never in routine. I stopped making regular Holy Hours. And I immediately found when I got back to camp this year at Hidden Lake how complacent I had become in my faith and it scared me how easy it is to forget the glory that happens at camp and fall out of a solid prayer routine.

 

So even though my rhythm of prayer is no longer set on a schedule for me and my shirt doesn't say summer missionary on the back, I can continue to live after camp by clinging to Christ in the Eucharist. I can continue to live my life after camp by growing in relationship with my Mother, Mary. I can continue to live my life after camp by praying for my teens and keeping in contact with my missionary family.

 

Camp ruined my life, and I have never been more full of Joy.  

 

Live with Joy

1 corinthians 14:33

I'm still processing. I'm still trying to find the words to describe this summer that changed my life again.

By day 2 of serving as a Summer Missionary for the second time with Life Teen, I was already being wrecked. How was I going to make it through six weeks?! My life was turned upside down once again as I invited God in to my summer and spent so much time in prayer and realized that my first mistake was that I was not expecting to be ruined so greatly again. I figured that I had already been a Summer Missionary, I had already experienced everything that was going to happen in my life this summer... boy, was I wrong. God moved in a fierce an bold way. And as my girl Audrey Assad says so well, "Love is moving among us." True that.

On May 18th I got on a plane and flew to Atlanta, Georgia to meet in the atrium with a bunch of college students who are on fire for the Lord. And at that point its already my Heaven. I jumped in a van and we drove about two hours north to Dahlonega, where I first set foot on one of the new homes of my heart - Life Teen Hidden Lake. Oh, the glory.

In the past six weeks I learned so much about myself, others, and God. I learned how to love better and how to be a better disciple. I learned what true love looks like and how God uses people in my life to draw me closer to Himself in very tangible ways.

So I would love to share a glimpse of my summer with you by listing things that I love.

I will start first with the people. I love the people. So much. I didn't think my heart was capable of loving this much - thank you, Jesus. I was blessed to grow in relationship this summer with 22 other Summer Staff Missionaries as well as with a group of men and women on Service Crew (mostly second year Summer Missionaries) as well as full-time Life Teen Missionaries. Each morning the girls would wake and pray together to begin the day - something I looked forward to every day. In the other cabin the men would be doing the same thing. I loved having my alarm go off so I could wake the rest of the girls so that we could pray and offer the work of our hands for the day to the Lord. What a blessing it was to get up each morning and serve at camp!

From there I was able to pray in front of the Blessed Sacrament in All Saints Chapel for a whole hour, and then pray Morning Prayer from the Liturgy of the Hours. Page 707 became a staple for my life, along with the liturgical classic, number 70, Go Tell It On The Mountain. I loved this time of prayer because it gave me an opportunity to be in community with the rest of the missionaries as well as a time to reflect on my time at camp and listen wholeheartedly to the Lord.

I loved the time spent in prayer. The whole summer, the theme that the Lord really placed on my heart was that of overcoming confusion with peace. His peace. And oh, did He provide. I didn't come across the verse 1 Corinthians 14:33 until the last Holy Hour of camp, where my dearest sister handed me a small slip of paper that she had written it on - and it all hit me. I found so much peace this summer in the plans the Lord has for me, in relying fully on Him, and on trusting in His promises. I don't need to know everything or have it all figured out - the Lord will provide. I can say that with full confidence. 

I loved going to Mass so accessibly every day. The first week of camp, we did not have a priest for a few days, and we all rejoiced when one came to say Mass for us. Oh the glory of witnessing Heaven crashing into Earth! I will never tire of going to Mass! What a gift! And as I served over the weeks at camp I realized how dependent I am on the Eucharist to sustain me through the day. My heart yearns for Mass.

I love Confession. I went every week before the campers would arrive. One week I went to Reconciliation in the woods. One week I went to Reconciliation while tubing down the Chatahoochee River. (#bestcampever). This summer I became dependent on the graces from Reconciliation to be able to minister as a pure vessel of God's love to His middle schoolers in the best way that I could. I had to give of my whole self, and that could only be possible if I emptied myself and let the Lord take over fully - which meant giving Him my sins in sincere repentance. Jesus is so good to us! Oh, the grace!

I love praise and worship. I love singing at the top of my lungs in praise of the Lord, especially with 200 middle schoolers. Praise and worship is something I miss so much when I am not at camp... we do not have any opportunities for it at school or at my home parish, so I feel so blessed to be so fed at camp with a form of prayer that I love so much. 

I love family dinner. Family dinner happens twice a week at camp where the parish sits together around a table and the Summer Missionary that is paired with them serves them and provides them with anything they need. The idea behind it is that a lot of the teens' families at home no longer have the time to sit around a table and talk, for everyone is so busy with sports, work, etc. Family dinner provides the opportunity for the teens to create a family environment with their youth group. What a blessing. I love serving at family dinner and nurturing the group dynamic in a way of service and love. 

I loved the stars. Walking back to the cabin was a good 15 minute trek in the dark, and the stars were unbelievable. Praise You, Jesus. So many times we would stop and lay down in the middle of the street at the risk of being run over by bikes or vehicles (as it was so dark) in order to just attempt to grasp the beauty of the universe and the fireflies flew about and the crickets chirped and it was a glimpse of Heaven.

I loved the teens. Oh, the teens. I mean youths. They were middle schoolers.

Before this summer I had never worked with EDGE ever in my life. I had never ministered to middle schoolers. Frankly, I was terrified. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. But, of course, God provides. I found that I loved it. I loved working with the middle schoolers. It was so good for my heart to be stretched in this way and to realize that in order to know that I am called to be working with high schoolers, I needed to break down my walls a bit and work with the middle schoolers. As much as I loved it, I know that I am not called to work in EDGE for the rest of my life. 

But, what I did love about it was that the youth were SO OPEN. They were so open to consciously allowing themselves to experience Jesus for the first time in so many of their lives. One of my teens went to Reconciliation for the first time in six years. One of my teens experienced adoration for the first time while I knelt next to her and she felt the presence of Jesus in a new and tangible way. What a blessing to see the Lord working in such young hearts! The Church is in the young people - watch how they are so eager to learn and so open to grace! What a blessing! 

I loved seeing a middle schooler do the trust fall at her first summer at camp... the same girl who looked me right in the eye and told me she wouldn't do it. I loved watching a bunch of 5 foot girls lift each other over a 12 foot wall and I felt more triumphant and victorious than I have ever felt in my entire life. What a summer. Who am I to see the blessings of the Lord in such abundance? 

I love the exhaustion, and the solidarity that comes with it. I embrace the spiritual attack. I embrace the shared life. I love the Joys of community. 

I loved hammocking every Sunday by the lake while reading Mulieris Dignitatem or Redemptoris Missio or sharing a hammock and laughing hysterically while creating beautiful memories that I will hold on to forever. What Joy and grace there is in sharing a hammock with someone you love!

I loved everything about this summer. The Lord exceeded my every expectation. I loved my missionary family, who called me higher in holiness every day and showed me the true love of the Father. I loved the chaperones who were so open to loving their teens and participating in the activities. I loved the Joy of earning my pillow each night knowing that yes, I'm a sinner and I am not perfect, but I tried to live for the Kingdom that day. The glory stories never end. The mission runs on. And even though I am no longer there, I know that the mission continues. Even though I cannot see the river or hear it rushing, I know that it still runs strong.

And so my mission base has changed - I am back home, but the same love flows on. As much as I miss Hidden Lake and the people that are still there and the people that have also returned home, I know that this is just the beginning. The Lord has such big things in mind for His beloved children. And THAT is crazy to think about. It's not the end. Love is moving. This summer showed me the incredible power of God and the fierce love that He has for us, and how much peace comes from letting Him be the center of my life. I am forever changed and I cannot wait to see where He will lead me next.

Our Lady of Victory, pray for us.

Saints Peter and Paul, pray for us. 

live with Joy.