ezekiel 2:2-5

Metanoia: A radical change of the heart.

Women's center. 8th and Appletree. 6:45 am. Pray. Love.

I am part of the Pro-life group on campus. This morning at 6:15, we took a van downtown to pray in front of a clinic that provides abortions. It wasn't my first time participating in a vigil there, but it was profoundly different for my heart today.

This clinic has about twelve people who stand in front of the door and down the side of the building in yellow bibs that say "Women's Center Escort." Their job is to make sure that the women and men going into the center do not have contact with anybody trying to counsel them from the sidewalk or pray for them. My group and the others who host the vigil are to stand on the other side of the alley on a small sidewalk. There is yellow tape connected to black pillars on the other side of the alley, separating us from the clinic. The escorts video tape us, laugh at us, and make fun of us as we pray the Rosary and Divine Mercy Chaplet. It is very easy to slip away from focusing on my prayer and feel like an animal in the zoo. 

It makes my heart break.

Going to the vigil tests my faith. I find myself kneeling on the sidewalk in 30° chill, clinging to my Rosary and calling upon the Holy Spirit to radically change hearts. And it seems like nothing happens. 

The escorts keep laughing, the women and men go into the center, and then they come back out. 

My prayer is directed to all of them. The unborn children who never have a chance to live, the women who believe they have no other option than to have an abortion, the fathers who never get to meet their child, the doctors who do truly believe they are helping women, and the escorts who make a joke of my faith. I pray for repentance - I pray for metanoia - a radical change of the heart. 

Metanoia. I pray that the escorts have a radical change of heart. That one day they know the power of prayer and that I am praying for them and that I really do love them and they begin praying with me and the glory of this change spills into the hearts of everyone around them. They are people too. They deserve love just as much as anyone. 

It makes me think of Ezekiel. God sent Ezekiel to the Israelites, knowing that they wouldn't listen to him. But He wanted Ezekiel to go anyway. The witness Ezekiel had resonated in their hearts - and they knew that a prophet had been among them. 

I pray that my witness resonates in the hearts of those who work at the clinic in the way Ezekiel's presence did to the Israelites. They may not listen, they may be obstinate of heart and rebellious, but they still saw me and heard my prayers and they know where I stand. 

The poem Lead, by Mary Oliver, expresses the hope that can come from this experience:

Here is a story
to break your heart.
Are you willing?
This winter
the loons came to our harbor
and died, one by one,
of nothing we could see.
A friend told me
of one on the shore
that lifted its head and opened
the elegant beak and cried out
in the long, sweet savoring of its life
which, if you have heard it,
you know is a sacred thing,
and for which, if you have not heard it,
you had better hurry to where
they still sing.
And, believe me, tell no one
just where that is.
The next morning
this loon, speckled
and iridescent and with a plan
to fly home
to some hidden lake,
was dead on the shore.
I tell you this
to break your heart,
by which I mean only
that it break open and never close again
to the rest of the world.

My heart breaks. But in the wreckage there is hope. There is hope in that by breaking open, it will never close again to the rest of the world. I know that God is working in the people at the women's center - gently calling them back and inviting them to His love. My heart is broken open to love the people involved in abortions more fully. This love is deep. God does not leave us, or fail us, or stop loving us. He is at work. We are called to love, no matter the circumstances. We are called to be a witness for Jesus and for our faith. We are called to trust that our prayers are heard and our actions and words are not in vain.

There is hope. Prayer is powerful. I believe in metanoia.

Live with Joy.

2 timothy 4:1-2

Every year, my college has a giant "Day of Service". It seems like everyone participates, too. Nearly 5,000 students, faculty, staff, and alumni. And if you don't participate, you will most likely be shunned. Well, you won't be shunned... but it's not okay to skip out. It's almost a social expectation to be involved.

I love the Day of Service. Everyone gathers in the Pavilion for a send-off, and hundreds of groups are sent in and around the city to help with various partners in their projects. It really is a beautiful thing - the community of it, the giving back, the early morning Wawa coffee and muffins.

But I really think it is missing something.

We all gathered in the Pavilion, and we were sent off. Why? Why were we sent out? What was the reason behind our service?

Not once was our Catholic heritage mentioned in why we serve. Not once was the name of Jesus mentioned at the send-off. Not once were we told that the real reason why we should help others is because they are children of God and we are called to love them like our sisters and brothers. There was a prayer, but the Sign of the Cross was not implemented. I think we took the diet approach to explaining our service.

Reflecting on the readings this week, I connected St. Paul's writings to St. Timothy with this year's Day of Service:

I charge you in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who will judge the living and the dead, and by his appearing and his kingly power: proclaim the word; be persistent whether it is convenient or inconvenient; convince, reprimand, encourage through all patience and teaching.

We aren't only Catholic when it is convenient. We can't only proclaim Christ when we feel like it.  We can't avoid talking about Jesus as the reason as our service and only focus on "giving back to the community."

There is a reason. Jesus is the reason. The true reason for our service as a Catholic community. And if we don't share that with our student body, with our college community, and scream it with our lives, we are missing the point. We can't stop talking about Jesus when we think it would be inconvenient or wouldn't reach the entirety of those involved.

Jesus must be our motivation for service, and we should embrace that and share with everyone we know on the rooftops at the top of our lungs.

I'm not saying we can't do service without recognizing Jesus - I'm saying service is not complete without embracing the fact that Jesus is the reason we serve.

Serve, whether inconvenient or convenient, and do it in the name of Jesus. Convince. Encourage. Reprimand. Share the Good News. Love.

Live with Joy.

john 15:7-9

Recently I have been so overwhelmed with God... in a good way. The blessings are overwhelming! Blessings I surely don't deserve, and that are surely just God reminding me how much He loves me.

It's amazing to me how much I'm falling in love with Jesus more and more every day. He's won me, heart and soul.

In this realization, I've noticed a major part of prayer that I have never really focused on before: trust. It is so important to trust the ones we love, and this is no different with God.

Prayer is lifting something to the Lord and trusting that He hears you and trusting that He loves you.
Prayer is an expression of love.

In the last few weeks or so, I have been praying through John 15. Especially John 15:7-9.

If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask for whatever you want and it will be done for you. By this is my Father glorified, that you bear much fruit and become my disciples. As the Father loves me, so I also love you. Remain in my love.

In prayer, in asking God for the desires of our heart to be united to His, and in entrusting our very selves to the Lord, God is glorified. He delights in us, and He delights in our trust of Him. By asking for what we need, we are recognizing that we cannot do it alone. We are showing our love for Him by our trust and our reaching for Him.
But in asking, it is so crucial to unite that desire to the will of God. We can't just ask for whatever we want - we could be unnecessarily disappointed. God knows, like a good parent, what is good for us and what is not. We must ask for whatever we want, and then ask that it only be done if it is in accordance with God's will in our lives. His plan is infinitely more beautiful than anything we could want. Ask to conform your will to the Father's, and you will never be disappointed.

Remain in My love. To remain in God's love we must first place ourselves there. We must know and accept and cling to His love for us. In our desire to love Him more in our prayer and in our trust, we are dwelling in the love of God. Run after Him and then remain in His love.

John 15 has really spoken to me these past few weeks, and I hope that it captivates you too.
Remain in Christ, remain in His Word in Scripture, and remain in the great, unceasing, relentless love He has for you. Be open to letting Him work in your life, and let Him pour His blessings into your heart.

Fall more deeply in love with the one who wants to give you more than you could ever ask for.

Live with Joy.